Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
