I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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