im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
