i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize