We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
