Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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