My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
