For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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