Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
