i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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