I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
