you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
