So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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