i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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