I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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