Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
