cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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