hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
