Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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