my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
