weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Randomize
