I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
