I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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