I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
