Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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