Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
