I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
my liver is dry heaving
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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