My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
