STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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