this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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