I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
