her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
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You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
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I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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