Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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