I got chris browned last night
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
