Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
