honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
