none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
