hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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