I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
