ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
