just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
