saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
