he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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