my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
