he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
