scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
