hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
ok first of all what the fuck
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
