After last night, I could never be a politician.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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