I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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