I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize