69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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