i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
