There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
