If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
