Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
