She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
