i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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