OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
