does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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