if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
