If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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