His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
