New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
