I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
