we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
