The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
